Wednesday, October 24, 2007

M.A.M. (Moms Against Marinara)

This morning:

Zach: Mom, guess what?

Me: What?

Zach: We've learned [in school] that there are three main bad drugs.

Me: Oh yeah? What are they?

Zach: Heroin, Marinara, and Crack

Evidently, Italian food lovers now have cause to mourn due to this newly discovered fact. I'll have to scour the bottles of Ragu out of my pantry post haste.

I try to be supportive of my kids' school - the fact that we teach in tandem, so to speak. I try not to get too tied up in knots over this buddy system of educating my kids on social issues. Really, though, I'd like that stuff left up to me and the standard subjects left up to them, sort of.

The elementary school topic this week is drugs. It's Red Ribbon Week. The school is decked out in red ribbons; each concrete pillar is tied with ribbons and bows flying in shiny red splendor. Today, my kids are wearing crazy socks to school in order to "Sock" it to drugs. Thursday is crazy hair day - so maybe it's something like: Doing drugs turns your hair blue and makes it stand straight up or something. On Friday they're going to wear their clothes backwards, because you're "backwards" if you use drugs. The "crazy" socks

Do I want my kids to use drugs? No. But this just doesn't sit well with me. This morning Zach - my 4th grader - and I had a brief talk about drugs (see above) which came while we were checking his backpack before he walked out the door to school. I started to explain that I hadn't listened to the school's CD on the dangers of drugs and the world of drugs (the school wanted a report back). I am negligent in this. I'd rather be the one introducing my kids to this hideous part of the world, slice by slice, piece by piece - at our own speed. I wanted to make sure he understood what we'd already taught him at home, etc.

He let me know he'd listened to the CD which was fine, but two years ago the school sent home a drugs video that we were supposed to watch as a family. I sat my kids down, ages 5 and 7, and started it. Holy smoke! Information overload. We tossed the tape and had our own talk. They'll get more info when it's time.

Really I was just waiting for the right time to help them really explore the world of a crack or heroin addict. Is this what the educators would prefer? I get the feeling that the school would probably approve of this as my next step in the quality at-home part of their education. But first, I need to get a few visual aids: one of those tan thick plastic tube ties that you wrap and tie above the elbow - Does this to make the vein easier to locate? Please inform. I need to know this stuff so I can pass on the correct info. A few syringes would be a nice touch, too.

This morning I was pleased to find out that along with learning about the perils of that spaghetti marinara we ate two nights ago, Zach's teacher has enlightened him on the life of a crack addict this week. It involved something about how you're reduced to cleaning the floor with toothbrushes. ????? No joke. Whatever the connection between toothbrushes and crack I have no idea, I'm just extremely grateful we don't live in Little Italy for pete's sake.

Reality check. This is where my kids are: Last year, after looking at the "down on drugs" poster every kid in the school was encouraged to create I was proud to see that my kids will for sure punch the guy's eyes out who dares to try and offer them a cigarette. My kindergartener would really go GET the guy who tries to make him drink alcohol. Oh, and Bullies? Just so you know, you're dead meat, too. My kids will hunt you down. Maybe they're behind.... I don't know. I'm fine with where they are. The other hard core stuff will come soon enough, when it makes sense in their lives.

As for the school's well-meant efforts, I really hope that when that evil kid lurking in the bushes after school offers my sweet boy a joint, my kid will quietly display his fancy socks. They should speak for themselves, but he could explain the power of the socks if the bad kid doesn't get it.

(Incidentally, this isn't just a Utah thing. Check out Paige.)


Celia Fae said...

Jan, you have really outdone yourself here. This is some mighty hilarious stuff. I'm glad our children can know more than we do, and I'm also glad that this particular evil isn't limited to California.

Paige said...

I'm dying of laughter, even if Celia beat me to it. I totally agree with you, as evidenced by my drug riddled post today! This really is ridiculous what they are teaching my tiny, sheltered babies. I would have to be on drugs to wear those socks, too. Is that what they mean? It's all so confusing.

Courtney said...

Janelle: I have no idea how to track, so feel free to stalk my blog anytime! I don't mind. I don't always comment either. People who track should just feel grateful other people are stopping by, don't you think?

Anyway, so nice to see you're back on your blog. Cool! Now I'm going to add your link!

So what's up with the cookbook? Anything new? Great to hear from you! Now I'm going to keep up better with you! Yea!

Celia Fae said...

Oops. It is Nancy's fault that you aren't on the second one. Blame is the name of the game. She must have overlooked it. Sorry. It doesn't really mean anything, anyway. I'm just glad you are back.

Matt said...

Wow! What a totally awesome blog! It's bloggeriffic! I'm bloggergasted!