Thursday, November 01, 2007

Happy, Happy, Happy!!!

Does anyone else suffer from Not-So-Happy-Meal Syndrome? Let me explain.

(Setting: A favorite kid restaurant called M__ D__________'s)

  1. Enter restaurant. Mom orders food for her kids alone - they're already in the play place, scrubbing the floors with their previously-clean socks that will have to be thrown away in ash form, as they will need to be burned first after getting home.

  2. Mom manages to get everything on one tray, drinks unspilled, and to the table and then calls the kids down from the rafters, not really caring that all the other moms are now staring at her and figuring her for a "yeller" - which, of course, she isn't.

  3. The kids all run en masse to the table and immediately start pawing at the tray yelling, "Which one's mine?"

  4. Mom feels compelled to yell FREEZE! but tries to keep a smile on her face and feels like tying tiny hands behind backs so she can satisfy, as this is her job.

  5. Kids start grabbing food and toy out of whatever bag they're holding.

  6. Mom plays musical H___ Meal bag while kids are eating and hopes no one cares that the kid next to them already took a bite out of their cheeseburger even though they ordered nuggets.

  7. Mom's own stomach is growling.

  8. Mom hears: "Can you undo my lid?"

  9. "Where's my BBQ sauce?"

  10. "I wanted honey." [Huh? Who dips the cheeseburger in honey? Did you forget you didn't order nuggets? Nope. Still wanted honey.]
  11. "Um, Mom? I spilled..."
  12. "I need a straaaw. Where are the straws?" The sleuth mom finds them hidden under the napkins.
  13. Mom starts to sweat because holy crap, this is hard work and the pressure is on. She knows the game is over if they are allowed to escape to those colorful tunnels of grime they love so much before at least a portion of their food is consumed.

  14. The kid who didn't want milk, not even chocolate, wants to fill his soda cup all by himself - with every kind of drink that shoots out of the fountain. Will need help as can't reach them by himself in reality.

  15. Mom sure hopes that the baby won't stand up in that sick, sticky high chair and break her head before she gets back.

  16. Mom returns (baby is fine) and quickly slips a napkin under each kid's meal, [the clock is ticking] before the food hits the table, hoping this small gesture saves them from certain food poisoning. Mom doesn't care that they've already been playing for 10 minutes in those tunnels of grime already mentioned. This still might help curb the odds.

  17. Mom's stomach growls again...louder. She helps herself to fries from each kids carefully placed napkin because by now she figures she's earned it.

  18. Mom remembers how smart she was that she stopped off at popular mexican restaurant nearby first for a little Mommy Treat that she won't be sharing with the kids.

  19. Kids eat.

  20. Kids disappear into the colorful tunnels of grime.

  21. Mom eats her yummy treat and reads her really good book she brought along for occasions like these - OR - Mommy eats her yummy treat while having a real conversation with a fun friend who came along with her kids to M___ D______'s.

  22. Now Mom is happy and it was worth it. Will come again soon.


Celia Fae said...

Ah yes. Eating in at McDonalds. I thought I was the only person who did that. And you're right, it isn't complete without a book or a friend. Janelle, you have really hit your blog stride. I completely relate to your life.

Paige said...

Stopping off for your own treat is commendable. Was it cheesy? It always makes me sick how I have to FORCE my kids to eat that nasty food they begged for because I paid for it, and then they fight over the toys, that get left in the van and I throw away.

Lindsey Smith said...

What I really hate is when I actually do bring my own yummy take-out in, and still find myself hoping that one of my little darlings won't finish his nuggets, because who can resist a nugget? Every time I try, and each visit I fail. It's no longer a test anymore, just my prize for making it through the marathon meal at MickeyD's.

Matt said...

Mmmm, nuggets. I think most kids today are 98% processed chicken :)